I brought home a woman from the bar last night but ended up passing out on the couch. Must've grabbed the wrong drink.

I went down to the sperm bank hoping to make a donation but apparently it needs to be in some special container.

I got an erection at a nude beach once. How embarrassing! There wasn't a woman in sight.

I get annoyed when houseguests take long hot showers -- fogs up my hidden camera lens.

I'll never forget my first threesome. It happened by pure luck. We were playing spin the bottle and I got the Siamese twins.

I have a wimpy little friend who just got sent to prison. I'll bet he's taking it hard.

My girlfriend claims that her last boyfriend was a better kisser than me and I have to admit, he is pretty good.

My last girlfriend was quite a catch. From her I got syphilis, gonorrhea and athlete's foot.

We were mean when we were little. Like we used to tease this one kid because he wore braces. I mean it was bad enough he could barely walk.

I was walking down the street when I heard from the alley "Help! Rape!" So I ran back there as quick as I could and lucky I got there when I did. She almost got away.

I was propositioned once by a prostitute in Las Vegas. She told me that she'd blow me for a hundred bucks. I said "Lady, you can't be serious. Back in my neighborhood, a blowjob is twenty bucks, free if I like the guy."

I hate a woman with a big mouth. Makes my dick look small.

Almost lost at strip poker the other night. How embarrassing! I was down to my bra and panties.